Note to self

I think I know you.  Didn’t you used to be me?  Where did you go?  How did you manage to completely and utterly destroy yourself so quickly?  What is your problem anyway?  Was it one compromise too many?  Was it caving in?  Was it losing yourself?  Is it that damn depression bug again?  Your chasing something aren’t you?  A dream perhaps?  Or are you running?  I haven’t seen you in this much of a mess since high school, your senior year.  What?  You don’t need a reminder, that’s right, you don’t because you were there.  You know what it is like to lose yourself completely and barely be able to breathe.  Don’t do it again.  Let it go!  You are better than this!  You deserve better!  Your kids deserve better.  Take a deep breath, close your eyes and jump!  Come on, you can do it!  I know you can.  You are strong!  You are brave!  It doesn’t have to hurt as much as last time, but it probably will.  If you are honest, it will probably hurt worse, because you will blame yourself for failure.  Last time it wasn’t your fault, and you know it!  At least you are willing to admit it.  

Chin up, things will get better, tomorrow is a better day, say a prayer, take a deep breath and let go.  I know you can do it, we all do.

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